There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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