My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
false alarm. still invincible.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
