anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
