that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
