the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
