i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
