Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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