She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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