if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
