Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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