went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
