i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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