I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
