I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
