if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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