Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
