I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
