Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
