i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
