you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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