Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
