Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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