Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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