weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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