nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
