I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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