so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
