how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
