i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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