And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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