hell yes lets make some ravioli
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
