Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
BRING THE BAGELS
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
