Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
