i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
