i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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