he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
