You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
