how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he thought i was a dude.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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