Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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