He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
