If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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