my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
P.S. I can't hear my feet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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