I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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