There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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