That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
