I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
