well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
