Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
