Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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