I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
