During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
