Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
