Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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